So, you think you’re a vampire.

1 vamp

Dating back since historians and scientists don’t even know vampire folklore, myths, and legends have run rampantly throughout the world. One of the top choices when dressing up for Halloween is a vampire. There are people in this world that live their life as vampires. Apparently there are many types of vampires other than traditional blood drinker. A sanguinarian is the name for a blood drinking vampire, that is the type we will focus on. These “vampires” believe they need to feed off of human blood. The Christian community is outraged that people do this calling it a “grave sin” to drink blood. There are also some “vampires” that have been known to take this to a whole different level, they murder, rape, and feed off of human victims. After doing the research I have also come to my own conclusion on the subject.

Area Vampire
Area Vampire

I sat down with an area vampire (who asked to remain anonymous, I still took his picture anyhow), he described drinking blood with a look of euphoria. Saying that “the warm liquid gives me more bliss than you could ever comprehend.” The vamp went into how he was able to obtain the blood he craved. He simply stated “there are more willing donors than I can count.” I was wondering just how high he could count. We got into a discussion about how to tell if you are a vampire and how to point them out if you are not. Vampires are stronger, faster, and more mentally adept. These “real” vampires also live longer, and stay looking younger longer than a human would. He went on to describe red eyes, fangs, and sharp claws. My vamp buddy was concerned that there are a lot bigots out there, “Just as gays are persecuted so are vampires.” He went on to say, “I have had hunters after me for centuries.” The vampire told me he has lived for 604 years. He must have seen a lot in his time. He wants the state against his kind to stop, he said he’d let me live so I could get his story out to the world.


I interviewed one of our vampires neighbors, a self-described devote Christian, Barbara who is worried for the children. Barbara stated, “Why won’t somebody please think of the children!” Our conversation consisted mostly how the bible is against vampirism. She quoted the bible at one point saying, “When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division…” Barbara said that she watched twilight because she wanted to see what the fuss was about. The area woman blames the pagans she said that, “Pride, a desire to become powerful — even god-like, can cripple a person’s soul. What’s especially interesting is that an apple is used as a symbol of temptation inTwilight.” I thought that was pretty insignificant since she was talking about a movie and not real life, but hey I can’t help them all. It shows you the level of thinking.

John Brennan Crutchley
John Brennan Crutchley

There are far more people than you would think that claim they are vampires. Some of these said vampires go to great lengths to prove how real it is. A man named John Brennan Crutchley (1946-2002) would kidnap, rape, murder, and drain the blood from his female victims. A recount of one victims story who was found in 1986.

“The hitchhiker awoke to find that she was tied to a kitchen countertop, arms and legs immobilized. A video camera had been set up, along with lights. The man raped her and videotaped the action. Then he inserted needles into her arm and wrist and carefully extracted blood and began to drink it, telling her that he was a vampire. After that, he handcuffed her and put her in the bathtub, returning later for another round of sexual assault and blood extraction. The next morning, after a third round, the man handcuffed the hitchhiker and left her in the bathroom, saying that he would be back later for further assaults, and that if she tried to escape in the interim, his brother would come and kill her. It was after the attacker had left the house that she was able to push out of the bathroom window and crawl to the road. Had she not escaped then, doctors believed, she might well have died from a further round of blood extraction.  (Ressler, Robert and Tom Schactman,Whoever Fights Monsters: My Twenty Years Hunting Serial Killers for the FBI. St Martin’s Press, 1992. See pp. 146-151. )

This man was labeled the “Vampire Rapist” he served 11 years in a Florida prison for this crime. He was released in 1996 and re-arrested less than a day later for testing positive for marijuana which gave him a life sentence. He died in prison of asphyxia in 2002, where he was found with a plastic bag over his head.

2 creepy vamp

After doing quite a bit of research I have found no conclusive evidence that vampires exist within the human race. There are many movies, shows, books, etc. on vampires this does not make them real. They may be fascinating to you, but it wouldn’t be a billion dollar industry if it wasn’t. The only vampires that truly exist are certain bats, leeches, mosquitoes, and so on.  There are blood diseases that may in a small way mimic vampirism, but that still does not make you a vampire. Not only do you have a borderline personality disorder if you consider yourself a vampire, but you can die from drinking blood. Blood is not supposed to be ingested by our species and is toxic when done. If you think you’re a vampire please seek professional help. I really don’t really care what you think you are, but don’t involve me in your psychotic behavior.

Asshole of the day:



Todays asshole is brought to you by Facebook. His name is Rob from Salt Lake City, Utah. On a news post he decided to have a little freak out attack and I felt the need to share it with you. This is in no response to anyone else.

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